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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

On Being Dark and Being Called 'A Little Filipino"

I admit I do get flustered when people say I got darker (literally - in skin tone - not "Batman Christopher Nolan" darker).  Like this week, I have just come from KL and did a little sightseeing - under the sun, of course, and friends have made that innocent remark to me ("Uy, nagbeach ka" or "Uy, umitim ka") - a pretty harmless remark really that follows "Musta?" - but something that can cause panic inside for people like me!!  Call me shallow but that's just how it is.  History has not been kind to darker skinned people and the stigma has followed us into this touchscreen LED TV, Internet wifi everywhere, social media dominated century!  Because of those remarks, I have avoided the sun and went straight to my derma to buy the necessary stuff to lighten my skin tone once again.

 It's easy to mock my behavior if you have lighter skin and make fun of my reaction but for someone who grew up with taunts and not so nice things being said because of my skin tone, it wouldn't take a psychologist to find out our irrational behavior when it comes to this thing!  And couple that with the fact that I did not like how I looked like growing up - ayun - a terrible disorder happened to my brain - which leads me to do irrational stuff like lighten my skin tone!

However, I don't feel slighted with what Lucy Liu has said.  Filipinos are just generally darker, than let's say, the Chinese, the Japanese and the Korean.  She actually hit it right on the target.  Although I am a bit ashamed to say this - but my desire to continually apply these whitening stuff, at least to my face - and shun the sun - is that I don't want to be too dark and look like a peasant Filipino.  So there - I admit it - I am a shallow son of a bitch.  But I have to look in the mirror and like what I see!!  If I need to put these whitening lotions and avoid the sun to do it, it's my choice because it's my body and self-esteem anyway.  I love being Filipino and proud of it - it's just that the darker I look like a baluga, a kapre walking in daylight!  And in this looks obsessed society - that look will just not do it - at least here in the Philippines.

Well, we just have to give Lucy some leeway and not be too OA.  Having brown skin has some perks too anyway - but that will be in another post of mine.
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